Trip Leave

Hi everyone, I'm sorry (not really) to say that I will be taking a weeks leave of absence from the blog. I will be in the Caribbean on a cruise ship.

Have a wonderful week, I'll talk to you later!

Merry Christmas!

Have a very merry day filled with fun and laughter.

An old teacher told me to love everyone as hard as you can, we are only on this Earth for such a short time. Show people how you feel now, when you have the chance.

What I Wanted I didn't Get.

I was driving in the car with my dad last night back from a Christmas party at my Aunt's. My dad then got pulled over by the cops. We didn't know what he did wrong, he wasn't speeding. Then the officer came to the car and said my dad's headlight was out. I was bummed that's all that it was, I was wanting for us to be driving in a vehicle that the cops were looking for, like someone who did something bad was seen driving a blue Tahoe around so any time a cop saw one they were supposed to pull over the vehicle. Then the cop would tell us to get out of the vehicle and when they searched our pockets the cop would have found the 45 dollars I had in my pants pocket. He would then pull out his gun screaming "Where did you get this money from!?" And I would be so innocent and girly "I got it from my Aunt and Uncle and Grandma... officer, we just celebrated Christmas". Then he would be like "Oh, you're not who we're looking for, I'm so sorry." And he would send us on our way back home.

But nah, our headlight was just out. And now I don't have a cool story like the cops pulling a gun on me.

Oh well.

Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed to Drive

I got cut off by someone who I legitmately think might be blind while I was driving yesterday. I am CLEARLY driving down the road. There is CLEARLY another car 20 feet ahead of me. Apparently this is enough room for a third car to make a left hand turn inbetween the two cars, which are only apart by yes, like I said before, 20 feet. Now I'm not going too fast, like 35 mph, but still. Who is that BLIND that they can't see they don't have enough room??

I was so mad. Thinking about it makes me mad.

Hell Yes.

I missed only 1 question on my Communications final exam with a score of 390/350 points. I got three A's and one BA (Bad Ass) in my classes first semester of my first year at college.

I'm happy.

Doors

I have some kind of problem. At school, guys hold open doors for me all the time, but for some reason, if it's a double door, you know, two doors side by side, I'll just go through the other door instead of the one being held open for me. I won't do this if they are just waiting, holding the door, but if its just a quick hold, I accidentally will go through the other door. Then I apologize a lot and thank them.

Oops!

On the Subject of Attachments

Alright, I'm SURE you guys have all experienced this more than ten times in your life if you use email. Whenever anyone sends an email with an attachment in it, you know, like a picture or a word document, eight times out of ten (statistic from Some Writings: By Kelso Blog), the sender of said attachments will write a nice little note about what they are attaching to the email, send the email, only to realize after they sent it they forgot to actually attach the attachment. In your inbox marked a minute or two after the first email, you will receive a second email with the actual attachment, and a smaller note, apologizing for the original not having the attachment in it.


That, my friends, is the deal with attachments.

FAIL NUMBER 2

A Question For You:

Which side of your mouth do you chew on? Is it always the same side, or do you switch.

Pay attention the next time you eat. I'm curious!!!!

Here, a FAIL I found.

It's Funny Until Someone Gets Hurt... Then It's Hilarious.

I discovered a few days ago that you can generally tell a certain laugh apart from all others, even if you didn't see what happened. This laugh which you can tell apart from all others: the laugh when someone else gets hurt.

Here's how I discovered you can tell this laugh apart from others: I was sitting in my dorm room on my futon with my boyfriend, and we were playing Monkey Ball on the gamecube. Then all of a sudden we hear a bunch of people next door start cracking up. Now one girl was laughing so hard and so loud. It was the most sincere laugh she could have produced. It was strong, thunderous, and bellowing. She was gasping for air at the end of it, but she just couldn't stop laughing.

"I bet someone got hurt." I said. Just by the strength and honestly of this howling laugh, I could tell. When your friends fall or hit something or walk into doors or walls, that is the exact laugh produced. Humans enjoy watching each other fail.

Watch for it the next time someone gets hurt if you can't understand what I'm trying to convey. You'll get it.

I Thought of This.

So a long time ago I liked this game you played online with other people. It was basically pictionary, just with a different name. There were 6 or so players in each room and one person drew whatever the game told them to while the other 5 guessed. You could chat with the other players in the room. A lot of the time, you would get a private chat that said "ASL?" This was an abbreviation for "Age, Sex, Location?", now, being smart I never responded to these chats because it was dangerous. But looking back on it, I wonder why the hell anyone playing a pictionary game online would try to find someone to hook up with on this site.

It's STUPID. People are STUPID.

I Finally Missed A Day

Not my fault, I didn't have a computer or internet access all day. I even tried my phone but it didn't work.

Have you ever been woken up in the morning by someone squeaking a dog toy over and over and over for a good three minutes straight?

That's how I woke up this morning!!!!

Monkey Ball

You won't get this if you've never played/heard of monkey ball. But here's my question: why the hell is the monkey in a ball? It would be much easier if it were running on it's feet and climbing. If it's going to be in a ball, why is it not a hamster?

Yesterday Post Evaluated Today

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible day, but then it got better when Russell came. Today is our one year mark. YAY!

And for a funny: Yesterday I walked all around campus with staple in between my big toe and the toe next to it inside my socks! Whoops!

No.

I might be very unhappy today. I'll let you know.

Trust Me, I'm a Doctor.

I cut my finger today, and there was a lot of blood. Well actually, there was a tiny amount of blood, but it bled a lot. That got me to thinking what other parts of your body bleed a lot (all of this thinking was during my Women's Studies class mind you, so I was... not distracted at all in my thought process).

From experience, I wrote down that your fingers bleed a lot if cut, your head bleeds a lot if cut, and your nose bleeds a lot, whether that was cut or if you just got a nose bleed. That was all I could think of from personal experience, like, all the times I've cut my feet or my legs (unless its a shaving accident) or my arms, I don't recall them bleeding all too much. But the head, fingers, and nose, boy those never stop.

I would imagine that your chest bleeds a lot, and your stomach, and your femoral artery and your jugular and that artery on your arm, but those take massive cuts, and I've never experienced those first hand (knock on wood).

But yeah, to conclude: I don't like blood.

Today in History

Happy Pearl Harbor everyone...

There Are A Few Things I Think Everyone Needs To Experience in Life:

One of them, is being flung off a treadmill and crashing into a wall.

It makes you a much more rounded person. Trust me.

Joke of the Day:

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel over his mid section. The bartender asks him why he has that there. The pirate responds: It's driving me' nuts!

This is Cool:

I'm actually retaining knowledge in college.

I Thought Of This All By Myself.

What kind of car would a chicken own if it could drive?

A Coupe!

Get it? Get it?

Man I Hate that Stuff

Christmas time is great. I love it, but with Christmas comes lots of glittery things, and I CAN'T STAND GLITTER!!!!!! It gets everywhere, and then you can NEVER get rid of it. EVER.

Glitter should be destroyed.

Question:

Western has a huge sundial on main campus. It's diameter is approximately 13 feet. Why do we have such a huge sundial, or a sundial at all for this matter, when Kalamazoo NEVER GETS ANY SUN!?!?

It's Ridiculously Unfun...

...To walk a quarter of a mile from your car to your dorm with a heavy backpack and four heavy bags, two in each hand, plus your purse, then have to put all the bags down to unlock your dorm's front door, hold it open with your foot, pick up all the bags, cram your way through the door, only to have to open another door three feet away, cram yourself through that door, walk 15 feet to another door, set all your bags down to unlock that door, pick up your bags again, cram yourself through that door, walk up one flight of stairs, then another, then another, then another, open a door and cram yourself through it, walk 10 feet, open another door, cram yourself through it, walk about 100 ft down a hallway, set your bags down again, unlock your room door, pick up your bags, hold the door open with your foot, and cram yourself through that door.

Then you drop all your bags, breathing so hard your lungs will shoot out of your chest if you're not careful, collapse on the futon, your arms and legs shaking of fatigue.

I did that this morning. It's ridiculously not fun.

My Mom Says Meijer is The "Happening Spot"

Yesterday, I went to the local Meijer with my boyfriend to pick up some food for dinner. Now, I usually see a person there that I know, because Meijer is a very popular grocery store. Well, in one trip yesterday to Meijer, we saw seven people that we knew. Three people by themselves, four people who were in groups of two.

It totally blew my mind.

Yesterdays Accomplishment...

69 Posts!!!!!!

NICE!

After Turkey Day Dream

I had a dream today, after taking a nap, that I was being crushed by tons and tons of pounds of turkey meat. I couldn't breathe.

Then, I woke up. I was alive.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I am home on this wonderful day of thanks. And I've compiled a list of things I am thankful for:

1. Private bathroom
2. Bed that's ground level
3. Ann Arbor being awesome
4. A fridge full of food
5. Not having to use my key to get into my dorm/dorm room
6. The lady at Meijer yesterday talking to the dead turkeys
7. Big, flat screen TV in my house
8. Being able to take a bath to properly shave
9. My puppy Ribo
10. Fast, wireless internet
11. Oh right, the family :P
12. My boyfriend
13. My freedom
14. My car, Debra Morgan
15. The show Dexter
16. A house smelling of heavenly turkey

It Really Makes Me Upset

That the word "develop" doesn't have an "e" at the end of it. It just doesn't look right. Doesn't it just look naked, people? Develope looks so much better, and that is how I wish the word was spelled. But alas, it's naked.

I Still Think

That Carrot Top is REALLY, REALLY ugly!

Say No

To Mondays.

Introduction to Media and Telecom

I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really really,
don't want to study for this exam tomorrow.

Really, really, really. But I really, really, really, really have to, because I really, really, really don't know any of it. Really.

Poop.

That's STUPID!

Why do manufacturers go through the effort of fake pockets? Why can't they just add real ones? Pockets are practical, fake pockets are not.

It's a Dangerous Sport

I pulled a muscle in my ass tonight bowling.

No kidding.

Grumble Grumble.

Oh chunky, gloppy, gloopy milk, how did you get to be as so?

You were not to expire for another two days.

Finding The Good in Everything

As I was leaving math lecture the other day, I saw someone had left their calculator on the floor. I looked at it, felt kind of guilty for not picking it up and giving it to the prof. but she was faaaaar away, down a lot of stairs and there were a lot of people behind me. So then I just left and headed to my next class.

The next math lecture we had, some kid came around looking for his calculator. He asked some girl he was sitting next to if she had seen it, she said no, but go ask the professor. So he went down to her, and a few minutes later came back up with his calculator. "Someone turned it in to her." He said.

I was thinking, "well that's good, now I don't feel so bad... Actually... I feel great! I let someone else do a good deed, and they probably feel great. So I did a good deed by letting someone else do the original good deed!"

And that my friends, is the way to find the good in everything, and to talk yourself out of guilt.

I Am an Arteest.

In the bathrooms around Western, I have worked on a very particular art form. I call it the "Art of the Paper Towel". Now see, in all the bathrooms around this joint, the paper towel is the kind you have to grab and pull down. It's not the kind you crank and tear. You just pull it down and it separates nicely.

Well, the paper towel here is very thin. For the first few weeks of being here, I would always screw up pulling down the paper towel. I would apply too much pressure and tear it at the bottom, or apply too little pressure, and tear it where my thumbs were holding it. You also can't just pull it down with one hand, otherwise... it will tear.

So this paper towel is very fragile, and I have perfected the art of tearing it:

Step one: Apply both thumbs to the corners of the hanging paper towel. They must be exactly equally apart in distance, otherwise, the force and pressure will be uneven when you pull, and the towel will rip.

Step Two: You must apply correct pressure with your thumbs onto the towel. Too much or too little will, yes you guessed it, result in the ripping of your towel prematurely.

Step Three: In one, gentle swoop, bring your arms gracefully downward, keeping even pressure where your thumbs are.

Voila!

There is your paper towel, unripped and beautiful, ready for you to dry your soaking hands in.

Don't feel bad if it takes you awhile to get the hang of it, it's an art form. It takes practice.

Monday is My Hell

Yesterday, curious to know exactly how many hours I would be in class on this horrid Monday, I calculated the hours with my calculator. 150+50+50+150= 400. 400/60= 6.66.

666. That's the Devil's number. Therefore, my Mondays are Hell.

Damn You, Enticing Food Commercials!

I'm trying to not eat as often as I do, you know, cut down on the snacking when I'm bored habit... But you just can't do it these days. Also those brilliant, deliciously enticing food commercials on TV, that show you chicken sizzling on the grill, or pasta served in gooey, glorious cheese sauces... Even if I'm not watching TV, I'll see it on my roommates computer, while she's watching something online!

Oh what a delicious world. Why can't we eat whatever we want, whenever we want, without getting chunky?

I'm battling the freshman 15 here people. I'm going to win the war, but tonight I've lost the battle. Mm pretzels.

Gulp!

Have you ever watched yourself chugging water in a mirror? Your throat looks really cool in the way it moves.

Give it a go! H2O is good for you!!!

Stay on Target

I went to Target yesterday, and as I was checking out, I met Kristen Wiig as the Target Lady from SNL... Almost. The cashier reminded me so much of this SNL skit it was absolutely nuts. The cashier talked the same, snooped as much, was just as weird and crazy. It was very funny. On my way out she said "Stay on Target!! Have a nice day!"

It was just uncanny.

Fortunes of a Misfortune

Is it really our misfortune, if we make others laugh because of it?

Yeah. Probably. People are mean.

!!!!!

My 50th post! I be'z a doin' this fo' fiftee dayz maaaaaaaan!

Clap your hands.

The Grapenuts of Wrath

You have to realize you're in a pretty good state if you wake up at 9 am, spill half a box of Grapenuts cereal into your dresser drawer where all your pants are, and you aren't furious.

First fifteen minutes of my day today were spent hand picking up these tiny grains of cereal out of my drawer and off all my pants.

If you don't know what grapenuts are, here's a picture of their size:



Great times!

Mission 00Laundry

The dryers in my dorm suck. They don't dry my clothes... at all. To wash and (attempt to, but totally not) dry my clothes costs me around 5 dollars in quarters. So, I try to wait until I go home to wash my clothes as much as I can. I have 2 weeks until Thanksgiving break.

My mission: Not wash my clothes for two weeks.

Can I do it?: I think so...

Will I smell?: Doubtful, I brought a ton of clothes.

Commence Mission.

Hello, My Name Is Kelsey And I'm Addicted To

The Oscar Mayer Weiner Song.

The Poop Hit the Walls

How do animals get their shit everywhere, including up walls? I had a rabbit, and he lived in my closet... and you would go in there, and his poop would be on the wall. I had some parakeets, and they had projectile poops also because they shot their poop onto the wall behind their cage. I'm sorry, I'm just really curious.

Practice Makes Nothing (At Least in the Case of Bowling)

I bowl every Thursday night. I've been bowling every Thursday night for the past month and a half. I'm not getting any better. In fact, I may be getting worse. What's up with that guys?

Dear Guy Who Put His Food Right on the Buffet Tray And Not on a Plate First,

Why would you put your food on the buffet tray and not on a plate first?

(We're talking chicken, fruit, potatoes and bread, people.)

Link of the Day

http://www.makemymood.com/2009/05/30/sleeping-pigs-react-to-sounds/

Pigs.

Silly Me

I banged my elbow on my desk today, and then gave it a dirty look...

Right.

Watch For Bikes!

Even though I live on the fourth (and top) floor of my dorm, I have learned that I still can't walk out of my room without the chance of being hit by a cyclist racing down the carpeted, narrow hallway.

Look both ways before exiting your dorm room.

Dear Girl Who Sometimes Wears Sunglasses in Class...

Why do you sometimes wear sunglasses in class?

A New Proverb

Here's my new proverb on accumulative finals:

Test me once, that's okay. Test me twice, that's not okay.

Danger!

It's a bad idea for me to have a bunk bed here at college. I almost fall off the ladder about 4 times a week. It's dangerous. I'm clumsy. Difficult combination.

Just wait for it.

I Was Disturbed (Oh the Irony).

Walking down my dormitory hallway two days ago, I saw on the wall a bunch of paper tombstones. On each tombstone was the name of the girls in my hall and their roommates. I can tell you I was not resting in peace when I saw my name upon one of those tombstones. What is this, some kind of SICK JOKE!?

Quote of the Yesterday

"Yeah, I didn't really talk to her, but she seemed cool...I liked her from what I.. didn't talk to her about."

College: I Learned Something Here

At college, I learned how to fart with my hands.

Witty Dilemma

You know, I can be pretty witty sometimes... It just takes me fifteen minutes to think of something clever to say, and by that time, the point is moot.

Damn!

Animal Planet News!

I was watching Animal Planet today, and watched a show about Green Vervet monkeys on the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. These little guys drink alcohol like nobody's business. In a study where alcohol was given to 1,000 of these monkeys, results found that the animals divide into four main categories: binge drinker, steady drinker, social drinker and teetotaler. Most were social drinkers, and they act just like humans when drunk. Some get angry, some get flirty, some think anything is funny, and some pass out.

I thought this was very interesting/funny. Thought I'd spread the word the the drinking monkeys!

Need To Know!

Do you need the Scoop on Poop?

Here ya go!

http://www.heptune.com/poop.html

Woe is Me

I think it's cruel how high the notes go in the happy birthday song. Ya know, I just can't hit 'em. Neither can most of the world I don't think, cuz that's prett-ay high. You know the part I'm talking about-- that third happy birthday, the one that goes real high. It's a cruel, cruel joke.

Daniel Day Lewis is a Shapeshifter

He is so bad ass. He is a real man, and can give you whatever hair or facial hair you want. In fact, I'm going to start a rumor that he has the greatest facial hair growing powers ever.

Friends

I'm a really good friend of mine.

WTF Boots?

I had a dream last night that I was trying on a pair of cowboy boots. All was well, there was a right boot and a left boot. They both curved in as shoes tend to, so that you knew which foot to put each boot on. So I nonchalantly applied the boots to my feet accordingly. Then I look down, and my left boot toe was pointed to the left, instead of inward or straight out like a shoe toe normally does.

I just remember staring down at my feet trying to comprehend such a phenomenon. I couldn't understand why the boots looked so weird, so I just stood there thinking "wtf, boots?".

An Unappealing Word...

Crust.

That just doesn't sound yummy to me.

Poll

Have you ever seen a human-sized chipmunk drink lemonade through a straw?

You can bet that I have.

#1 Fan

Only my mom reads my blog.

Hi mom!

Comparing The Two

I had serious anxiety issues when I was a child, and I saw a psychiatrist for them. He told me to name my anxiety so I could own it. Being only around seven or eight I named it the "Dumb Horribles" because anxiety was well, dumb and horrible. Then I had to draw them. I drew them as monsters with hairy bodies and horns. They looked like the Wild Things in Where the Wild Things Are. I dunno, it's bringing back memories.

Movie comes out TONIGHT! I won't be seeing it yet though.

Tape Fixes Everything

I had one of those annoying little cuts that don't stop bleeding on my elbow. It wasn't a lot of blood, but just kept coming out if I wiped it away. So I was sitting at my desk, and there was some scotch tape. *Light bulb goes off* "I'll tape my blood in!" So I put a piece of tape over my cut, and low and behold, it actually stopped bleeding pretty much immediately. So, if you cut off your arm, know you can just tape it back on with scotch tape. Problem solved!


**Disclaimer: Taping your arm back on does not actually work**

Mr. Blue Sky

Yesterday was the first sunny day in Kzoo in literally 2.5 weeks. My eyes are normally very sensitive to the sun, so I always wear sunglasses. Well, I decided not to yesterday, to let the sun burn my eyes, the only way I'll remember seeing the sun for probably another 2.5 weeks. :(

Does The Road Deceive Me?

Driving back to school from my dad's house, I could have sworn I drove past a dead baby pig on the side of the highway... Deception? Or REALITY?

Awwww

There are some faces only a mother could love. This my friends, is the Barbourula kalimantanensis. It has no lungs.

Say Chesse!

In my dorm cafeteria a few days ago I was reading what the foods at the buffet were to my friend who is blind, and I came across "Chesse Rice". So I was like, here's some "Cheese Rice, but cheese is spelled wrong." We chuckled, "Ho ho ho". Then, as we were walking out of the caf on the big white board listing the food it also said "Chesse". So, I went online and looked up "chesse" to see if it was a word.

Well, I can't find it. Somebody at WMU can't speel (<-- That's a joke... cuz I'm funnay).

CHESSE!

Here's a Funny Concept...

Eggplants in Eggpants.

That Was A TERRIBLE Idea.

Whoever came up with LIVING at your school? Because I hate that idea. All my life (give or take a couple of years) I hated, hated, hated school. My only relief was to go home and forget about it after a hard day of classes.

Well college, college, college. Who thought of this idea? LIVING at school?

Put your head on straight! It sucks!

My Beliefs Change in the Dark

In the daytime, I do not believe in werewolves or zombies or vampires. That's silly.

In the nighttime when I'm walking through a wooded area alone, I very, very much believe in werewolves and zombies and vampires.

Ah One Of the Most Satisfying Things About College...

This might be hard to explain, but I'll try anyway. One of the most satisfying things so far in my college career is when you take your key to get into the dorms, and you're holding it out, nice and straight, and in one fell swoop the key goes EXACTLY where you want it and it just glides right into the keyhole. Ahhhh. Sweet, sweet satisfaction.

Most days I try this and I just jam my key into the door, missing my hole. Then you have to pull back and readjust.

But oh, the times where you hit it right on the mark, oooh it just feels sooo good.

Dorm Food Review

Dorm Food "Kelsey Approved!"

- Grilled Cheese
- Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Salad (somedays)
- Grilled Chicken
- Waffle Fries
- Bananas
- Mashed Potatoes
- Broccoli
- Mac and Cheese

Dorm Food "Kelsey Disapproved!"

- Oreos in a bucket
- Stale Chips Ahoy in a bucket
- Any kind of beef **EXTREME WARNING**
- Pasta that always smells terrible
- Bread stick that looks good (don't trust!)
- Fish
- Unknown substance
- Mexican Wrap thing
- Nacho Cheese Soup

Oh Look-A-Likes... You Give Me a Chuckle

Whilst doing my English homework comparing DuBois quotes to Enlightenment Philosophers I came across a bust of Voltaire, and had to laugh out loud at his uncanny resemblance to actor Marty Feldman (had he bigger, cross-eyed, eyes).

WARNING WARNING WARNING

Someone once told me that if you let a mosquito suck out as much blood as they want from you without you swatting it away or smashing it, when it's done sucking it will pull out smoothly and you won't itch afterward. Well, don't try this because I tried it and it doesn't work.

That Guy Carrot Top

Is really, REALLY ugly (my opinion).

Discovery

I came across this dolphin with no nose. It's called an Irrawaddy Dolphin. Weird!

Heart Ultra Sound

I had to get a ultra sound of my heart this summer, and dang was that cool. There's one valve on your heart that looks like a butt hole that opens and closes.

A Dare Devil 2

So, lying in bed last night I was thinking about if I had to lose one of my five senses, which would I choose? This is a question everyone asks themselves or is asked at some point in their life. Well, I pondered it for a moment and then decided I would lose my sense of smell. I love all my others too much. Then I was thinking of all the possibilities I would have if I lost my sense of smell. I could be the worlds greatest garbageman ever. Or I could easily work in a sewage plant, or I could pick up horse poop all day long. There are so many options! It would be like that movie Dare Devil, only instead of Ben Affleck being blind and kicking ass, he could have no sense of smell and clean up poop from a horse's ass.

But I don't think the box office ratings would be too high for that movie. . .

So I Was Thinking About Broccoli...

And that's a weird word, broccoli is. I asked myself: Where did that word come from? It's so strange! It's not your usual American word. So, I looked her up, and Broccoli comes from the Italian plural of Broccolo.

Silly vegetables.

Guilty to Flush a Toilet

I'm living in the dorms, right? My dorm is right across the hall from the bathroom. The bathroom echoes. I wake up today to hear this really soft classical singing. I strain my ears for a second. Is that coming from the bathroom? I open my door and stick my head out. I cock it, straining to hear. A girl walks out of the bathroom, sees what I'm doing and puts her head down and laughs, seeming to know what I am listening to and thinking it is equally peculiar and hilarious.

It IS coming from the bathroom!

Well, it was morning and I had to pee anyway, so I'm lured into the bathroom by this really beautiful voice. And I'm not kidding, it was like professional. I walk in and it's extremely loud. A girl is singing classical, and foreign, for it is in a different language, music in the shower. I laugh to myself and go to the bathroom to her singing. Then I stand up, and have an instant dilemma. I have to flush the toilet, but how rude! During this classical performance! But, I decide I have to, so guiltily, I push the flusher, and cut out the beautiful singing with the sound of a toilet flushing. I wait until it stops, and the singing is continued.

Pretty good morning.

Quid Pro Quo

1. Ever since I saw The Silence of the Lambs, Buffalo Bill has been showing up randomly in my dreams. He's never really "being bad", but I know he's a bad guy. I don't like him.

2. This made me laugh way harder than it probably should have: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX0w3S_GtU0

Advice to Kids Who Are Dorming It

If you're on top of a bunk bed in a dorm room and you can reach the ceiling-- Here's my warning to you: Don't reach up and touch it, because pieces of ceiling will fall straight into your eye.

Uncle Kane

If Orson Welles' face was thinner, and if he looked more like my Uncle Scott, I'd tell you Orson Welles looked like my Uncle Scott. But alas, Orson Welles' face is not thinner, and he does not look more like my Uncle Scott, so, I can't really tell you that Orson Welles looked like my Uncle Scott.

Sorry.

Plan B if College Don't Work Out Fo' Me

(On the subject of majors)

Jillian: I just have to figure out what it is I love. hah

me: animals
or plants
be a nature girl
HAHAHA

Jillian: no way jose
that's you and your whole ridiculous live in the woods bit

11:04 PM me: oh man, plan B baby
No taxes in the woods.
Can't find me, because I live in a tree.
No address
11:05 PM And I'll have a big conch shell to call all my animal friends with.
We'll have tea parties at 4:00
I'll grow a really long beard
and fish with my toes.

11:07 PM Jillian: you're a goof
you'd HATE living in the woods for more than a day
unless you did it with tons of money and electricity and heat and a house

11:08 PM me: Well, it would be a big life style change, but if I knew what to eat for food, I could make it for longer.
just watch. plan b baby, you'll never see me again

11:09 PM Jillian: haha okay
move somewhere warmer first
or we'll see you every winter
what would you do all day?

me: yeah, good call
I would build shit...
go swimming
dig holes
11:10 PM dig a tunnel system so I could navigate around undergroud
underground*
I'd carve stuff too, with my pocketknife
And search for sasquatch.
11:12 PM I'd braid rope from grass, also. Never know when you're going to need rope.

11:17 PM Jillian: haha

me: see? it's a solid plan