A New Proverb

Here's my new proverb on accumulative finals:

Test me once, that's okay. Test me twice, that's not okay.

Danger!

It's a bad idea for me to have a bunk bed here at college. I almost fall off the ladder about 4 times a week. It's dangerous. I'm clumsy. Difficult combination.

Just wait for it.

I Was Disturbed (Oh the Irony).

Walking down my dormitory hallway two days ago, I saw on the wall a bunch of paper tombstones. On each tombstone was the name of the girls in my hall and their roommates. I can tell you I was not resting in peace when I saw my name upon one of those tombstones. What is this, some kind of SICK JOKE!?

Quote of the Yesterday

"Yeah, I didn't really talk to her, but she seemed cool...I liked her from what I.. didn't talk to her about."

College: I Learned Something Here

At college, I learned how to fart with my hands.

Witty Dilemma

You know, I can be pretty witty sometimes... It just takes me fifteen minutes to think of something clever to say, and by that time, the point is moot.

Damn!

Animal Planet News!

I was watching Animal Planet today, and watched a show about Green Vervet monkeys on the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. These little guys drink alcohol like nobody's business. In a study where alcohol was given to 1,000 of these monkeys, results found that the animals divide into four main categories: binge drinker, steady drinker, social drinker and teetotaler. Most were social drinkers, and they act just like humans when drunk. Some get angry, some get flirty, some think anything is funny, and some pass out.

I thought this was very interesting/funny. Thought I'd spread the word the the drinking monkeys!

Need To Know!

Do you need the Scoop on Poop?

Here ya go!

http://www.heptune.com/poop.html

Woe is Me

I think it's cruel how high the notes go in the happy birthday song. Ya know, I just can't hit 'em. Neither can most of the world I don't think, cuz that's prett-ay high. You know the part I'm talking about-- that third happy birthday, the one that goes real high. It's a cruel, cruel joke.

Daniel Day Lewis is a Shapeshifter

He is so bad ass. He is a real man, and can give you whatever hair or facial hair you want. In fact, I'm going to start a rumor that he has the greatest facial hair growing powers ever.

Friends

I'm a really good friend of mine.

WTF Boots?

I had a dream last night that I was trying on a pair of cowboy boots. All was well, there was a right boot and a left boot. They both curved in as shoes tend to, so that you knew which foot to put each boot on. So I nonchalantly applied the boots to my feet accordingly. Then I look down, and my left boot toe was pointed to the left, instead of inward or straight out like a shoe toe normally does.

I just remember staring down at my feet trying to comprehend such a phenomenon. I couldn't understand why the boots looked so weird, so I just stood there thinking "wtf, boots?".

An Unappealing Word...

Crust.

That just doesn't sound yummy to me.

Poll

Have you ever seen a human-sized chipmunk drink lemonade through a straw?

You can bet that I have.

#1 Fan

Only my mom reads my blog.

Hi mom!

Comparing The Two

I had serious anxiety issues when I was a child, and I saw a psychiatrist for them. He told me to name my anxiety so I could own it. Being only around seven or eight I named it the "Dumb Horribles" because anxiety was well, dumb and horrible. Then I had to draw them. I drew them as monsters with hairy bodies and horns. They looked like the Wild Things in Where the Wild Things Are. I dunno, it's bringing back memories.

Movie comes out TONIGHT! I won't be seeing it yet though.

Tape Fixes Everything

I had one of those annoying little cuts that don't stop bleeding on my elbow. It wasn't a lot of blood, but just kept coming out if I wiped it away. So I was sitting at my desk, and there was some scotch tape. *Light bulb goes off* "I'll tape my blood in!" So I put a piece of tape over my cut, and low and behold, it actually stopped bleeding pretty much immediately. So, if you cut off your arm, know you can just tape it back on with scotch tape. Problem solved!


**Disclaimer: Taping your arm back on does not actually work**

Mr. Blue Sky

Yesterday was the first sunny day in Kzoo in literally 2.5 weeks. My eyes are normally very sensitive to the sun, so I always wear sunglasses. Well, I decided not to yesterday, to let the sun burn my eyes, the only way I'll remember seeing the sun for probably another 2.5 weeks. :(

Does The Road Deceive Me?

Driving back to school from my dad's house, I could have sworn I drove past a dead baby pig on the side of the highway... Deception? Or REALITY?

Awwww

There are some faces only a mother could love. This my friends, is the Barbourula kalimantanensis. It has no lungs.

Say Chesse!

In my dorm cafeteria a few days ago I was reading what the foods at the buffet were to my friend who is blind, and I came across "Chesse Rice". So I was like, here's some "Cheese Rice, but cheese is spelled wrong." We chuckled, "Ho ho ho". Then, as we were walking out of the caf on the big white board listing the food it also said "Chesse". So, I went online and looked up "chesse" to see if it was a word.

Well, I can't find it. Somebody at WMU can't speel (<-- That's a joke... cuz I'm funnay).

CHESSE!

Here's a Funny Concept...

Eggplants in Eggpants.

That Was A TERRIBLE Idea.

Whoever came up with LIVING at your school? Because I hate that idea. All my life (give or take a couple of years) I hated, hated, hated school. My only relief was to go home and forget about it after a hard day of classes.

Well college, college, college. Who thought of this idea? LIVING at school?

Put your head on straight! It sucks!

My Beliefs Change in the Dark

In the daytime, I do not believe in werewolves or zombies or vampires. That's silly.

In the nighttime when I'm walking through a wooded area alone, I very, very much believe in werewolves and zombies and vampires.

Ah One Of the Most Satisfying Things About College...

This might be hard to explain, but I'll try anyway. One of the most satisfying things so far in my college career is when you take your key to get into the dorms, and you're holding it out, nice and straight, and in one fell swoop the key goes EXACTLY where you want it and it just glides right into the keyhole. Ahhhh. Sweet, sweet satisfaction.

Most days I try this and I just jam my key into the door, missing my hole. Then you have to pull back and readjust.

But oh, the times where you hit it right on the mark, oooh it just feels sooo good.

Dorm Food Review

Dorm Food "Kelsey Approved!"

- Grilled Cheese
- Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Salad (somedays)
- Grilled Chicken
- Waffle Fries
- Bananas
- Mashed Potatoes
- Broccoli
- Mac and Cheese

Dorm Food "Kelsey Disapproved!"

- Oreos in a bucket
- Stale Chips Ahoy in a bucket
- Any kind of beef **EXTREME WARNING**
- Pasta that always smells terrible
- Bread stick that looks good (don't trust!)
- Fish
- Unknown substance
- Mexican Wrap thing
- Nacho Cheese Soup

Oh Look-A-Likes... You Give Me a Chuckle

Whilst doing my English homework comparing DuBois quotes to Enlightenment Philosophers I came across a bust of Voltaire, and had to laugh out loud at his uncanny resemblance to actor Marty Feldman (had he bigger, cross-eyed, eyes).

WARNING WARNING WARNING

Someone once told me that if you let a mosquito suck out as much blood as they want from you without you swatting it away or smashing it, when it's done sucking it will pull out smoothly and you won't itch afterward. Well, don't try this because I tried it and it doesn't work.

That Guy Carrot Top

Is really, REALLY ugly (my opinion).

Discovery

I came across this dolphin with no nose. It's called an Irrawaddy Dolphin. Weird!

Heart Ultra Sound

I had to get a ultra sound of my heart this summer, and dang was that cool. There's one valve on your heart that looks like a butt hole that opens and closes.